Free lessons

Thanks to all the [insert term here, like Redneck Asshole or Stressed Out Office Worker or Cell Phone Yakking Dork] drivers who provided me with free cycling etiquette lessons during my lunch hour ride today.

To the moron in the roundabout who deliberately slowed down when I entered the circle, thinking I was too close to him, then honked his horn to signal his displeasure : screw you - if you'd just kept going at normal speed, my pinpoint timing would have enabled an efficient flow of traffic through the roundabout. But no, you had to ruffle your feathers and puff out your chest in a big display, hoping this would 'teach me a lesson'. I'm sure your driving is perfect - the next time you cutoff a cement truck I hope it T-bones you and drives your vehicle up onto the roundabout sculpture for all to see.

To the idiot who sideswiped me in the bike lane after I'd turned right into the flow of traffic, remaining in the bike lanes the entire time. Were you angry that I didn't come to a complete stop ? Jealous that you can't do the same manoeuvre when you turn right ? So you decided it was a good idea to risk my life by throwing your 4,000 pound vehicle in my general direction ? Sounds like a great way to teach people what to do. I'm sure the little kids on bikes and their parents appreciate it. And I'm sure you always come to a complete stop before turning, and never cut any body off as you turn into traffic. People with glass windows in cars shouldn't throw their cars around. I just might be waiting with a large rock on the next corner, maybe teach you a little lesson my smashing your windshield should you fail to perform a turn to my liking.